alkisah...

Tersebut alkisah hikayat ini berasal dari novel daripada sebuah negara padang pasir, diceritakan oleh seorang rakan kepada ku disaat bosan sambil makan kuih tak sedap depan TV. Dia menceritakan pengalamannya membaca sebuah buku yang kebetulan berada di perpustakaan sekolah kami dan begitu teruja untuk menceritakan kepadaku. Lalu aku pun memberi kebenaran untuk dia bercerita, apatah lagi kondisi aku ketika itu amatlah sangap dan penat setelah menghadapi pelbagai situasi di kelas sepanjang minggu.

Rakanku ini menyarankanku supaya, how to put it, “to have an open mind” bila mendengar ceritanya itu. Apa2 sajalah, so it begins.

Tersebut alkisah hikayat ini (again) menghikayatkan (betul ke?) keadaan masyarakat arab pada zaman dahulu. Di mana anak perempuan dimestikan duduk di rumah sehingga dilamar lelaki. (Which comes to think about it, if it were to occur in today’s world, how the guys are going to melamar if the girls never go out from the house?)

Anywho (huhu, suka lari topik), anak perempuan keluarga ini berlainan sekali dari yang lain; anak perempuannya disuruh untuk mengembala kambing dan ianya merupakan tugasan harian anak perempuan itu semenjak kecil lagi. Ini kerana, mereka tidak lagi mempunyai “breadwinner” setelah suami atau bapanya telah pergi meninggalkan mereka kerana tercekik tulang ikan 4 tahun dahulu (well, this is obviously a joke on my part. the novel is rather serious and the issue is big).

Apabila dia meningkat dewasa, maka, ramailah anak-anak teruna yang menginginkan untuk memperisterikannya (which I don’t understand why, I mean she just mengembala kambing di tengah panas dan kotor and there is nothing appealing about it, anyway, move on). Setelah mengscan lelaki2 yang bakal dijadikan suami itu, dia akhirnya memilih “Sampah” (bukan nama sebenar) sebagai kekasihnya dan mereka mula rapat dan selalulah mereka meng”spend” time together2. Namun, perkara yang tidak diingini berlaku. Dek kerana mengikut hawa nafsu setan, mereka telah melakukan perbuatan terlampau di sebuah pondok, dan akhirnya telah menyebabkan perempuan itu mengandung…

Melihatkan persekitaran perempuan itu yang hidup di kawasan perkampungan dan konservatif Arab, dia amat takut dengan pandangan masyarakat jika dia menyimpan bayi dalam kandungannya itu, dan yang paling ditakutkan ialah reaksi ibunya jika mengetahui hal yang sebenar. Tetapi dia tidak mempunyai pilihan lain, melainkan bersemuka dengan ibunya dan memberitahu hal keterlanjurannya itu dengan “sampah”. “Sampah”, seperti namanya itu, sudahpun cabut lari dari kampung itu dan telah meletakkan semua beban keatasnya seorang.

Ibunya apa lagi, bukan main marah alang kepalang melihatkan kebodohan anaknya yang tidak pandai itu. Sudahlah suaminya tiada lagi di dunia ini, dia pula dibebani dengan permasalahan sebesar gunung. Namun, seperti ibu-ibu yang lain, dia cekal dan bertegas untuk tidak membiarkan anaknya menanggung seorang diri, apatah lagi merelakan anaknya itu membuang anak di dalam kandungannya itu. Naluri keibuannya membantah sekeras-kerasnya cadangan untuk menggugurkan kandungan itu, namun dia juga malu dengan pandangan masyarakat jika diketahui ramai.

“Ibu, biarlah saya gugurkan kandungan ini sahaja”, kata anaknya itu sambil menangis teresak-esak. Ibunya dengan segera membantah, “Jangan kau berani hendak tentukan takdir anak itu pulak. Yang sudah itu, sudahlah, jangan kau nak menambahkan dosa kau itu lagi, nak”, kata ibunya and obviously perbualan itu di dalam bahasa Arab.

Si anak itu, berada dalam keadaan sedih dan gundah gulana telah pergi berjalan-jalan di pekan sambil memikirkan nasibnya dan anak yang bakal lahir itu. Dia tahu kesalahannya besar dan dia tak mampu untuk menambahkan dosanya terhadap Tuhan dengan menggugurkan anaknya itu. Di saat dia memikirkan kondisinya itu, dalam tidak sedar dia telah melintas jalan raya tanpa melihat kiri dan kanan. Sebuah lori kebetulan lalu di hadapannya dan tidak sempat membrekkan lorinya dan telah melanggar perempuan itu. Orang ramai cuba menolongnya namun dia telahpun dipanggil Tuhan disaat itu juga.

Seorang jiran perempuan itu kebetulan berada di tempat kejadian dengan segera berlari-lari anak kerumah perempuan itu untuk memberitahu berita kemalangan kepada ibu perempuan itu. Si ibu pada ketika itu baru sahaja selesai solat memohon pertolongan untuk diringankan bebanannya apabila pintu rumahnya diketuk bertalu-talu oleh jirannya itu. Si jiran dengan segeranya memberitahu hal yang sebenar disaat pintu rumah dibuka dan berasa cemas menantikan reaksi ibu perempuan itu.

Mendengarkan berita itu, si ibu yang masih dalam keadaan bertelekung menadah tangan lalu berdoa, “Ya Allah, Syukur Alhamdulillah”, sambil tersenyum…

Moral of the story: please, please be careful on the road. SELAMAT HARI RAYA :)

There has been rumour spreading at my faculty especially amongst our batch. Normally I would participate with those hearing it and I would disseminate that rumours together with others. But when the rumour involves me personally, well it’s not as fun as I think anymore.

It began when we started this course and they have been saying that I have “something going on” with one of my firm mate. “something going on” like hell. We used to tease and take it lightly at the rumours since we know each other; though not long but we know, well, what it takes to be best friend with each other. At least, that is my opinion on this, telling him the same thing would only make my life miserable for having to bear all his incessant teasing and mocking to regard me as his good friend.

I’d like to dispell all the rumours and put a stop to it, but I also know I can’t stop other’s people’s mouth from leaking. I wish to tell all those people that I don’t have anything “special” to do with him, other than having to suffer from him teasing and his boredom look in class, since I have my own affairs (though not many) and he already has a long-term girlfriend. I hate when people deliberately asked him in front of me, “hey, how’s your girlfriend? Are you guys still together or what?” and all those questions, as if they are trying to tell me that he already has a girlfriend. As if I didn’t know about that. So, what? Sometimes I think that they’d like to think of me as a stealer, but those who know me that well know that I am not that kind of person and because I am not easily interested in guys.

People may not know that I’m trying to build a new life and to have new perspectives in life especially when it comes to future. What I perceived before this may not be the same as before, and I am not getting involved in a relationship easily anymore and end up me being the miserable one and constantly feeling unworthy. It’s hard to deal sometimes with these frustrations alone, and to have others getting “noisy” in my personal life is not something I preferred. But sometimes I also forgot, I live with others, in a society, in fact everyday. So, for those who are trying to make a rumour out of me, believe that, yes, I may not be known to be attached to anyone right now, but I do not, in any way, have “special thing going on” with him. If it’s true… so God help me... I will grow old before time.

Welcome to "Heaven"

I was like in hell yesterday. Well, not literally. But God knows how excruciating it was. I was suffering from another acute allergy in which resulted my body began to appear a mosquito-like bite in almost all parts of my hands and legs. I suffered from this condition for as long as I can remember, but, being me, as ignorant as always, I always thought that this allergy would go away and dissapear as before, only to realise not only it re-appears, but it comes out like crazy as if a bomb is waiting to explode. And the “scenary” in effect to such is hideous. Thank God for not having model-like legs figure. Damn.

I went to the doctor, private doctor in that sense (since I went to the Pusat Kesihatan earlier and she only took a glance at my poor feet and prescribed me to that stupid-make –me-sleepy-pills-but-did-nothing-to-my-allergies.). He gave me a shot and convinced me to take vitamins because he said I have poor immune system. I was quite shocked upon hearing that actually, because, as some people who already knew me, I’m like the an unofficial ambassador for green tea brand which, it (supposedly!) could increase the immune system of one’s body. Now come to think of it, where the hell did I get such information?. It’s either based on hearsay or my exaggeration due to my utmost faith of green tea that I slot in every benefits there is in the world to be put in it if you consume green tea. I don’t know where the hell I get that info, honestly. I really gotta stop drinking that tea or else I would lose another teeth. Well this is a true story. I did lose a teeth for drinking a green tea. But it did not stop me from drinking it until now. Well, you know what they say. If you really like something or someone, there is nothing to stop you from getting it. Or her, or him in that matter..

But one thing for sure, neither the green tea nor the pills from doctors could relief the pain that I experienced now. This allergy is my new obsession, for which not only I would repeat it to the whole world especially to my dear close friends for the rest of my suffering days, but I will not sleep well or think of anything but my stupid allergy. Hmm, on that note, that doesn’t sound too bad, does it? Hoho, like that.

Anywho, (“_”) on another totally unrelated matters, my interests lately would definitely in regards to what’s going on in Malaysia these days. But I promised myself not to get involved in politics at this blogs for fear of misinterpretation and the fact that I intended this to be my self-expression rather than getting myself involved in somethings that I was not entitled to, albeit to the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Nonetheless, I personally don’t think this blogs would be the best forum to discuss on that point. Sorry guys, I know some of you would be wondering my stance on this issue, but I reserved my opinion at other forums other than through this channel.

God, I’m really good at scribbling my thought on blogs, eh? hehe

another day in paradise

It feels like.. it's another day, another day that i have to endure. Sometimes I feel like I was in a zone that nobody know or even know it existed. I feel weird, sometimes it's like having two "saree" inside of my body.

Well, I just came back from my sister's friend's house, in which her friends back in her diploma days held for her such extravagant celebration. ( i do take note of my poor English, but heck, it's my damn blog, I'm entitled to say whatever I want right?)

Anyway, it was a celebration that I did not really enjoy at all. Not due to the fact that I had to come, but boy, I was extremely overwhelmed with so many emotions. What happened to me today, I didn't know. All I can remember is that I just sat there for few minutes and ask for her friend's permission to take a nap, instead of celebrating my sis's birthday together with the rest of them. I justified my action by saying to myself that I did not know them that well, but in truth, I was actually did not make any attempt to know them better. In fact, I couldn't even bother.

What happened to me today was actually another sequence to my depression state. I don't know what happen to me lately, well, lately as in the past few years actually. Sometimes I can feel the hollowness inside of me. In spite of appearing happy go lucky and having fun all the times, it was actually a mask that actually concealing my true feeling inside. The truth is, when I went to my sister's friend's today, I was actually envious of their lifestyle. I always dream of having the lifestyle that they had, ever since I was a little girl, having my own family, to have a beautiful circle of friends, what a beautiful, beautiful life.. what a wonderful life they have there, even though at times it seems superficial.

But in comparison to my sucking life, well.. it's better not to dream anymore. Everything that I ever dreamt were all went dissolving like when you put Eno in the water.. Am I suffering from a depression? Why am I feeling like this? God loves me, in spite of all the bad deeds that I have done, I know that, and I should be grateful to the things that I have now. But I just don't know myself, because I am that complicated I guess.