Thank you

Judging from the look at everyone's face today, it's apparent that we were all in the happy-happy state when we played the futsal game. Tambah best when we won the game. I mean, in second place. I mean, whutever, we still won.

Thanks guys, for making the day eventful. I felt like as if we have just known each other. Barely known when in fact we have been together for almost a year.

Everyone was genuinely pleased to see one another. I actually felt relieved to see some of the familiar faces that I know, do care and love you without getting involved into any of the tensions mounting at work. AND, as well as getting all the "lovely scolding" from the rest of my strong team for being 100% lousy at sports.

I can feel my stomach started to churn, having to realise that in a matter of few weeks, we would be leaving each other and some, we would never have the chance to stumble into one another anymore after this. For the first time, I feel sad for having to leave all these all too soon.

I want to keep all the good and bring along with me all the sweet memories. I really do. Why is it so hard to be genuinely pleased with each other without pretending?

Let's keep it this way, shall we?


Love,
SAREE

Read between the Lines

My roommate has just been confirmed with denggi. Poor lad (or gal).

She has fever for the past few days but we never thought it’s a symptom of one. Stupid, right? I mean, hello. It’s SA. Obviously, I have been oblivious to anything that has happened outside from my stupid coconut shell. (Waiver: it’s a mere expression, by any way do not connote me with me being the frog. Or siput babi)

When we first heard the news, the rest of us were shocked. Shrieking like a baby, if you may. Heh, (“sometimes living with all girls do have its advantages” – bak kata Celcom). I started to feel the goose bumps all over me upon hearing that news.

She immediately asked the other roommate to get a medical check-up as soon as possible as she has yet to recover from her fever since last week. She then offered her to see the doctor together the next day since she too, has to go for another medical check-up to see whether her platelet has increased. That, or else she has to be admitted to the hospital.

“What about me?” Bu huh hu. I was scared too.

We discussed her meeting with the doctor that day and she mentioned about her fever. I had fever since yesterday but I have thought that it was because of us sharing a room, so that might be it. Contagious.

But then she also mentioned about dizziness and soreness in the joint. It's normal that I have been feeling the dizziness every time I open my law book (but I did not suffer from that whenever I did my assignment, orait. I care a lot. Even if it’s late, it is an acceptable work).

But, I do realize that I had this numbness on my right hand since this morning and it won't go.

“Gosh, I have denggi.”

“Tapi, Saree. Doktor tu refer buat blood test lepas kita mention about kite punya muntah-muntah, cherry berry. Tapi masa awal-awal demam dulu lah.”

I didn’t suffer from any of that, but suddenly I feel nauseas. It’s as if I have all the symptoms at that point.

“Rasanya iyelah, memang sahih ni". I said to them.

“Kenapa?”

“Sebab rasa na muntah-muntah ni”

"Macamane dengan chery berry?"

"cherry berry belum kena lagi kot, sikit-sikit lagi agaknya. Sekarang ni pun tengah pulas-pulas perut” (Actually it was just pure imagination coming from my paranoia.)

I have not always been a fan of sickness, or hospital or any relation with its association for that matter. I have my weakness here. My knees will shake like a leaf upon seeing needle. I once collapsed at the mall, in the middle of the crowd after few minutes being inside the pharmacy that smelled like hospital. Urgh. I hate the smell, the same I hate hypocrite person. That too, will make me throw up at that instant.

So the idea of being sick and to go to the hospital are definite no-no for me. Not and never a pleasant thought at all even though I've never been through much of that stuff in my life. Yet (and Thank God for that).

I would then start to think. Long and hard.

“What will happen? I have never been admitted to the hospital before!”

“Is the hospital a scary place?”

“What if they poke me with those sharp needle and then I'd die due to massive bleeding?”

“I’m too beautiful and too young to die” (this meant as a joke, Obviously there are people who doesn’t seem understand the meaning of one’s expression of just joking or being sorry; they seem to think it was just a word having no significant meaning to them)

She assured me that I am fine. “Tak adalah, Saree. Jauh benar kot connection dia”

But my mind has wandered off. Way ahead. I can't think of anything other than that.

“I can’t fall sick. I have Civil’s class to attend for the rest of my remaining days here.”

“I have lots of pending works that due next week (It’s not due yet. Don’t misquote me or call me lazy just yet)

“I have to submit this and that……….”

.......


Wait a minute.


“Does that mean I don’t have to go to Civil’s classes?”


"Including weekend?"


“For one whole week or more?”



Wauuu..


A prospective which I shall ponder upon.

I changed my mind. I think it's rationale to get sick at this point.

Green Tea -- can you guess it by now? *wink*

As an unofficial ambassador for green tea (ceh, bagi title kat diri sendiri dengan bangganya), I have pledged to commit myself into any of the products or drinks that contained “green tea” in it. Forget the fact that last week I had two half-boiled eggs together with hot green tea which has caused my tummy ached afterwards as if I was about to deliver a baby (as if I have experienced it before. Wutevur)

Just last month, I went to the mall and this one salesgirl suggested a face cream which contained green tea in it. She said that it would be beneficial to use it to minimise the stress lines on the face. My freakishly wrinkled face that is.

So I bought it, just to discover that my face has started to suffer from redness and itchiness as a result of it. But thou I shall not give up, (har har). Maybe the product is not so compatible with my "ever-so-delicate-face-tapi-tak-licin-licin-jugak-muka" of mine. If not, it would do justice to my face, right?

Then I discovered this new 3-in-one cereal drinks from nesvita. It has this new flavour, aside from chocolate, coffee or whatever flavour there are that the creative nestle team could think of, that is green tea. Gosh. Never in my mind I would have imagined or to have come across weird combination as cereal drink and green tea together. It just sounds soo... indescribable.

Anyway, in the true spirit of the tea, I bought it, just to have a taste. And of course I would not buy it in the small package. Heck no.

Okey. Not a moment to waste. I shall try it.


.....


Errr......



Yuk.



To have imagined the taste would be as bad as to actually tasting it I guess.



Hmm...



Still am contemplating to try it.



Orait, orait, I shall try it today. I prepared the hot water for that purpose. And as it boils, I looked at the green tea-cereal packet, and reluctantly opened it. Hmm. Oh well, I might as well try it. You won’t want to waste it away, would you?


Then, I poured it in the glass, and mixed it with the hot water. Kacau, kacau.


Sniff, sniff. Hmm.. What's with the funny smell? Because green tea memang smell macam tu lah, siput. Minumlah cepat!


Wa waa...


I eventually tried it. (after half an hour later, that is)


Emmm....


Ahhh.. Not bad as I think it would be.
I think I can comfortably live with it.


And so, the obsession for green tea continues. Hehehe

I'd like you to think about others, if you can

Hmmmm…

I’m just so happy and content that I went home this week. That being said, it would mean that I could escape from all the madness at school.

With all the recent backstabbing, foul mouth or getting myself involved over a stupid fight which I don’t even when it started are the things that have de-motivated me almost to the lowest point.

But being me, I won’t be bothered to confront with all the madness. However, I have to admit that it did hurt me, one way or another. It’s still hurt; aching inside.

And for that, though I managed to spend a rather short amount of time at my own bed, at my own house, but it's enough for me; enough to at least divert my thoughts away from having to succumb with those craziness.

Maybe it was me, or the ever to-be-blamed, the PMS that lately I have been feeling easily irritated, annoyed with certain someone. I believe the feeling is mutual, however I couldn’t care less. Or give a crap.

I have to admit here that I have little tolerance for those who think they are better than anyone else. Or being in constant competitive nature that at times I felt like I have been living in these seemingly artificial or pretentious world instead of the reality.

Unfortunately, my frustration has been extended to those who are close and has always been there for me all these times as well. I guess that I stupidly consumed my time with the thoughts of those who lives in their stupid bubble that I cowardly blame others who has no "locus standi" to be involved in as well.

I guess it has also got to do with the recent demanding works. As the works started to pile up, so do the pressures and the stresses. (And don’t forget the PMS-factor)

Gosh, I hate everytime I’ve been feeling like this.

I hate the feeling like slapping their face so hard that it leaves scar for life for their vanity into thinking that they are mightier and better than others.

I hate for imagining that they would fall flat on the floor as they run to escape from the heavy rain, so that they would be covered in the dirt and muddy pond, just to make them to taste their own medicine.


I remember saying this to a friend of mine where she used to be hurt by others. I remember I got angry because she won’t do anything to stand up to those people,

“Tak kira sesiapa pun yang cakap kau tak boleh buat, Mie, don’t let them said that to you upfront. Jangan bagi sesiapa pun pandang rendah kau. Sebab orang lain tak ada hak judge kau melainkan diri kau sendiri”


Maybe I’m not the correct person to say that to her, when most of the times even I never stand up for what is right for me now. I guess I'm quite "old-skul" when it comes to the need to be competitive. So forgive me for not being able to understand those who are in constant need to compare with others’ performance. Forgive me for not being able to increase my intelligence level up to their expectation. Sorry for not being able to force my brain to work until it overheats. I’m sorry as I could not understand the expression of contentment over others’ failure or bear to watch others spiraling down, gasping for someone to aid them.

Truth be told, I may not survive in this competitive world anymore. I barely survived here. How am I going to survive in the outside world?

Then again, maybe I was wrong for saying that. But who cares, right?…

I wish I could tell to certain someone exactly how I feel.

Why can't I just tell them that I'm angry, or sad, or disappointed with their action.

Why can't I just tell them up front,

"Who gives you the right to say you are better than anyone else? You are not that good anyway."

"Sampai hati kau boleh fikir aku begitu bodoh, tak boleh fikir on my own that you would cowardly compare and blame me to be the reason for your loss. You are as shallow as you are outside"

"Sampai hati kau boleh let others thinks I have bully you when all I did was trying to be the best friend I know how"

Sampai hati.

Sampai hati..

Sampai hati...

Let's talk about LOVE

Yesterday I went to ikea. I haven’t been there for such a long time and it hasn’t changed a bit. It was crowded with people as if ikea was about to go bankrupt and held a 90% discounts off on all items there. (It was quite the opposite, actually)

Anyway, I neither want to talk about its crowd nor the place here. It’s just that, when I went there yesterday with a friend of mine, I was rather reminiscing the time I was there the last time with someone whom I was no longer in spoken terms with.

This happened not too long ago, when I was still young and slender, he asked me to accompany him there to browse through some stuff.

I have known him for quite some time that he knew my flaws and what-not. In fact, he was actually the first person I get acquainted with when I first joined my degree programme back in Shah Alam that we eventually became friends ever since. He was also my source of strength especially with regards to my study as he was one of the best students at my faculty around that time.

Anyway, we have our moments in our friendship and as inappropriately as it may sound, we enjoyed each other’s company; but for different reasons. Whilst I was trying to have a platonic relationship with him, on his side, it was not so mutual.

I was not very good in saying “No”, believe me. But, God knows how I like to evade things away from me. Procrastinate is like my middle name too. He understood that and never pressed me any further and I was lucked out from having to confront my true feelings with him.

Since then, we still, nevertheless maintained our closeness and we would spent some time together outside our school whenever we have the time.

Until one day when we went there.


At that point of time, he has already started working in a very well-established firm that provided him with a full scholarship. For the first time, he received his first pay (and that firm sure paid him quite handsomely) so he fetched and brought me near the area to celebrate his first salary together.

After dinner, we did some window-shopping at ikea as he promised his mother to buy something for her lamp. Since I haven’t been able to spent some time with him especially after his new job, I was, admittedly over-excited to see him. Some more, I have always been a fan of that place, as the place always excites me; makes me feel like a little girl again.

Which is why, I guess, though it was packed and crowded with people, we still managed to browse through the area (quite thoroughly!), minding our own business and shared some of our crazy laugh together along there.

I showed him my favourite station, and he would show his. I would criticize his taste, and he would rightly follow suit. In all of that, what I can seem to remember until now is that we rarely shared the same taste and liking, but we do feel comfortable being around each other, as we complemented one another in a way I couldn't describe.

More importantly here, I remember this one particular conversation that we had that night. He mentioned over and over again that he liked minimalist’s concept and when I asked why, he said;

“Aku suka konsep minimalis. Senang. Nampak tersusun, tak adalah berserabut sangat. Bila aku balik ofis, aku na jugak umah aku tak berselerak serupa ofis aku.”

I was, on the other hand, never an organised person, thus never believed in the concept of orderly and systematic.

“Aku tak suka langsung. Tak praktikal lah. Macam barang2 aku tu, dah lah banyak, semuanya ada sebab ngape aku simpan die, so, mane leh buang barang2 aku macam tu je just untuk nampak simple and minimalist. Isk, tak boleh, tak boleh. Aku kena ada semua barang2 aku, if tak, aku tak leh hidup dengan sempurnanya.”

He laughed. How I can still picture his laugh until now. Suddenly, he stopped laughing, and then turned to me and said,

“Kalau gitu, kita buat rumah kita ada banyak-banyak kotak and almari, sebab kau kan suka kotak2 besar untuk simpan barang2 and almari untuk susun barang2 kau. Nanti, bolehlah kau simpan semua sekali barang2 tu, and at the same time rumah kita still nampak tersusun dan kemas.”



“Kau nak tak hidup sama dengan aku, Saree?”




[ask me again now and I would give you a different answer]