Goodbye LLB, Goodbye bitter,sweet memories, Goodbye blogs

I would definitely miss them; especially every single one on the second picture. Sorry about the guys, as you guys were too busy "male-bonding" and I figured they were not be sensitive by not giving them enough credit, hehe.
Hye, I still love my 2F guys :) muahhhh xoxo

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Anyway, on a different note, I've read this blogs from my former batch-mate of mine.

The last post from her titled; "Lose a Little, Gain a Lot". She was dead-on about something quite similar to my situation. Man, I got creepy feelings upon reading it.

Please link yourself to hers:

http://parttimezebra.blogspot.com/

This would be my last post. There won't be any after this. I rather keep my blogs close to my heart. Have fun looking for my new blogs (that, if you are interested, no obligation to look for one)

Till then, you know you wanna hate me. :))

xoxo,
SAREE




I'm officially punch out for today

I'm sorry, dear friend

How do you know you are in love? It is possible to actually be in love with just one person and to spend for the rest of you lives together with him?

You know that you are in love with him whenever you wake up, his face was the first to pop out from your mind.

You know that you are crazy for him when, he walked passed you and as you tried to catch his sweet smell, suddenly your heart stopped beating for a brief moment.

You know you have fallen for him when one day he sent you home and just before you went inside, you turned on your back just to get a glimpse of him. And at that same particular point, he was actually turned back and looked straight into your eyes.

You know you are in love with him whenever you wanted to see a new-released movie, the only one that first pops into your mind is him. Everytime you see him, your cheek would go numb afterwards, for having too much laugh upon hearing his useless jokes. Your face turned red whenever your friend started to match you with him and how your heart system nearly crashed whenever you see him with someone else eventhough it was her sister.

When all things get accounted for, for once you’d think you could gamble your life with him in spite of his imperfections.

You know your friends were getting tired of your excessive story about him. But you are so in love that you couldn’t care less. Your concerned friends have been telling you about his history, but you pushed've it aside and convinced he wouldn't hurt your heart at all. A bit. Never at all.

You believed him, in spite of all that. You believed him so long he won’t be caught red-handed. Yes, you believed him to that extent because you are soo in love with him.

At times, it has made your friends being left out. Most of the time, you kept your distant and by spending your time talking on the phone or texting him instead of enjoying the time with the rest of your friends, much to their dismay. Your friend were unhappy, since they did not get to see you that much, but they tried to understand that. And they did. They undertood that their friend is in love.

They are all truly happy for you. You have never been the same before this. You have never been known as someone who can commit to one person. You, too, have envisioned how wonderful it would be just to have the same future with him.

But it didn't turned out that way.

In fact, he has left you with all the bitterness inside. When you thought he could not hurt you, he was actually the one who has left you with a large scar on your heart. And it was like someone has shoot point-blank at you with a realisation that all these while, he was actually did not fell for you the same as you have fell for him. But yet he did not confront you, and you had to discover on your own through someone else.

It was hurtful, I know. Your friend too, has never expected it to happen to you. With all the wedding date set-in, they have thought you will be truly happy ever after.

Questions with pity started to pour in; "How could he do that to you?", "How could he fake his feeling all these times to you?", "How can he be so selfish when all you did was giving all the love and the trust that you had to him and only him?"

I am that friend, the one that he went to when it all of his self has fell apart because of her. Because of her selfish act.

I am that friend who had witnessed his transformation from someone who has never bothered to return a call from a girl who has crush on him into someone who has been putting a lot of efforts just to be with that stupid girl.

Having known him for all these years, I knew that despite of his calmness when he confided me with the story, he was actually at his ends because of her. I could see in his eyes almost in tears, filled with sorrowness, having his heart being crushed simply like that upon her revelation.

It seemed that he has wasted his time envision something that actually did not belong to him in the first place. She has never loved him.

I'm sorry dear. I should have been a better friend than this. You have always stood by me, be the only source of my strength when I felt no one really stood by me with what has happened with me recently at my school. You always believing in me, because you are a true friend that one could ever ask for.

You could have diss me like others would and could simply say that it was none of your freaking business, but you didn't. In fact you have encouraged me with your strong words every day until you are sure that I would not fall apart.

I should have been a better friend that I could have. I could have told you that she of no good. But I didn't because I didn't want to break your heart. I hate it when all I could do is to say I'm sorry when I could have done something for my dear friend. It breaks my heart to see you nearly cry because of her. And for that, I'd cry for you, too, Ed.

Thank you

Judging from the look at everyone's face today, it's apparent that we were all in the happy-happy state when we played the futsal game. Tambah best when we won the game. I mean, in second place. I mean, whutever, we still won.

Thanks guys, for making the day eventful. I felt like as if we have just known each other. Barely known when in fact we have been together for almost a year.

Everyone was genuinely pleased to see one another. I actually felt relieved to see some of the familiar faces that I know, do care and love you without getting involved into any of the tensions mounting at work. AND, as well as getting all the "lovely scolding" from the rest of my strong team for being 100% lousy at sports.

I can feel my stomach started to churn, having to realise that in a matter of few weeks, we would be leaving each other and some, we would never have the chance to stumble into one another anymore after this. For the first time, I feel sad for having to leave all these all too soon.

I want to keep all the good and bring along with me all the sweet memories. I really do. Why is it so hard to be genuinely pleased with each other without pretending?

Let's keep it this way, shall we?


Love,
SAREE

Read between the Lines

My roommate has just been confirmed with denggi. Poor lad (or gal).

She has fever for the past few days but we never thought it’s a symptom of one. Stupid, right? I mean, hello. It’s SA. Obviously, I have been oblivious to anything that has happened outside from my stupid coconut shell. (Waiver: it’s a mere expression, by any way do not connote me with me being the frog. Or siput babi)

When we first heard the news, the rest of us were shocked. Shrieking like a baby, if you may. Heh, (“sometimes living with all girls do have its advantages” – bak kata Celcom). I started to feel the goose bumps all over me upon hearing that news.

She immediately asked the other roommate to get a medical check-up as soon as possible as she has yet to recover from her fever since last week. She then offered her to see the doctor together the next day since she too, has to go for another medical check-up to see whether her platelet has increased. That, or else she has to be admitted to the hospital.

“What about me?” Bu huh hu. I was scared too.

We discussed her meeting with the doctor that day and she mentioned about her fever. I had fever since yesterday but I have thought that it was because of us sharing a room, so that might be it. Contagious.

But then she also mentioned about dizziness and soreness in the joint. It's normal that I have been feeling the dizziness every time I open my law book (but I did not suffer from that whenever I did my assignment, orait. I care a lot. Even if it’s late, it is an acceptable work).

But, I do realize that I had this numbness on my right hand since this morning and it won't go.

“Gosh, I have denggi.”

“Tapi, Saree. Doktor tu refer buat blood test lepas kita mention about kite punya muntah-muntah, cherry berry. Tapi masa awal-awal demam dulu lah.”

I didn’t suffer from any of that, but suddenly I feel nauseas. It’s as if I have all the symptoms at that point.

“Rasanya iyelah, memang sahih ni". I said to them.

“Kenapa?”

“Sebab rasa na muntah-muntah ni”

"Macamane dengan chery berry?"

"cherry berry belum kena lagi kot, sikit-sikit lagi agaknya. Sekarang ni pun tengah pulas-pulas perut” (Actually it was just pure imagination coming from my paranoia.)

I have not always been a fan of sickness, or hospital or any relation with its association for that matter. I have my weakness here. My knees will shake like a leaf upon seeing needle. I once collapsed at the mall, in the middle of the crowd after few minutes being inside the pharmacy that smelled like hospital. Urgh. I hate the smell, the same I hate hypocrite person. That too, will make me throw up at that instant.

So the idea of being sick and to go to the hospital are definite no-no for me. Not and never a pleasant thought at all even though I've never been through much of that stuff in my life. Yet (and Thank God for that).

I would then start to think. Long and hard.

“What will happen? I have never been admitted to the hospital before!”

“Is the hospital a scary place?”

“What if they poke me with those sharp needle and then I'd die due to massive bleeding?”

“I’m too beautiful and too young to die” (this meant as a joke, Obviously there are people who doesn’t seem understand the meaning of one’s expression of just joking or being sorry; they seem to think it was just a word having no significant meaning to them)

She assured me that I am fine. “Tak adalah, Saree. Jauh benar kot connection dia”

But my mind has wandered off. Way ahead. I can't think of anything other than that.

“I can’t fall sick. I have Civil’s class to attend for the rest of my remaining days here.”

“I have lots of pending works that due next week (It’s not due yet. Don’t misquote me or call me lazy just yet)

“I have to submit this and that……….”

.......


Wait a minute.


“Does that mean I don’t have to go to Civil’s classes?”


"Including weekend?"


“For one whole week or more?”



Wauuu..


A prospective which I shall ponder upon.

I changed my mind. I think it's rationale to get sick at this point.

Green Tea -- can you guess it by now? *wink*

As an unofficial ambassador for green tea (ceh, bagi title kat diri sendiri dengan bangganya), I have pledged to commit myself into any of the products or drinks that contained “green tea” in it. Forget the fact that last week I had two half-boiled eggs together with hot green tea which has caused my tummy ached afterwards as if I was about to deliver a baby (as if I have experienced it before. Wutevur)

Just last month, I went to the mall and this one salesgirl suggested a face cream which contained green tea in it. She said that it would be beneficial to use it to minimise the stress lines on the face. My freakishly wrinkled face that is.

So I bought it, just to discover that my face has started to suffer from redness and itchiness as a result of it. But thou I shall not give up, (har har). Maybe the product is not so compatible with my "ever-so-delicate-face-tapi-tak-licin-licin-jugak-muka" of mine. If not, it would do justice to my face, right?

Then I discovered this new 3-in-one cereal drinks from nesvita. It has this new flavour, aside from chocolate, coffee or whatever flavour there are that the creative nestle team could think of, that is green tea. Gosh. Never in my mind I would have imagined or to have come across weird combination as cereal drink and green tea together. It just sounds soo... indescribable.

Anyway, in the true spirit of the tea, I bought it, just to have a taste. And of course I would not buy it in the small package. Heck no.

Okey. Not a moment to waste. I shall try it.


.....


Errr......



Yuk.



To have imagined the taste would be as bad as to actually tasting it I guess.



Hmm...



Still am contemplating to try it.



Orait, orait, I shall try it today. I prepared the hot water for that purpose. And as it boils, I looked at the green tea-cereal packet, and reluctantly opened it. Hmm. Oh well, I might as well try it. You won’t want to waste it away, would you?


Then, I poured it in the glass, and mixed it with the hot water. Kacau, kacau.


Sniff, sniff. Hmm.. What's with the funny smell? Because green tea memang smell macam tu lah, siput. Minumlah cepat!


Wa waa...


I eventually tried it. (after half an hour later, that is)


Emmm....


Ahhh.. Not bad as I think it would be.
I think I can comfortably live with it.


And so, the obsession for green tea continues. Hehehe

I'd like you to think about others, if you can

Hmmmm…

I’m just so happy and content that I went home this week. That being said, it would mean that I could escape from all the madness at school.

With all the recent backstabbing, foul mouth or getting myself involved over a stupid fight which I don’t even when it started are the things that have de-motivated me almost to the lowest point.

But being me, I won’t be bothered to confront with all the madness. However, I have to admit that it did hurt me, one way or another. It’s still hurt; aching inside.

And for that, though I managed to spend a rather short amount of time at my own bed, at my own house, but it's enough for me; enough to at least divert my thoughts away from having to succumb with those craziness.

Maybe it was me, or the ever to-be-blamed, the PMS that lately I have been feeling easily irritated, annoyed with certain someone. I believe the feeling is mutual, however I couldn’t care less. Or give a crap.

I have to admit here that I have little tolerance for those who think they are better than anyone else. Or being in constant competitive nature that at times I felt like I have been living in these seemingly artificial or pretentious world instead of the reality.

Unfortunately, my frustration has been extended to those who are close and has always been there for me all these times as well. I guess that I stupidly consumed my time with the thoughts of those who lives in their stupid bubble that I cowardly blame others who has no "locus standi" to be involved in as well.

I guess it has also got to do with the recent demanding works. As the works started to pile up, so do the pressures and the stresses. (And don’t forget the PMS-factor)

Gosh, I hate everytime I’ve been feeling like this.

I hate the feeling like slapping their face so hard that it leaves scar for life for their vanity into thinking that they are mightier and better than others.

I hate for imagining that they would fall flat on the floor as they run to escape from the heavy rain, so that they would be covered in the dirt and muddy pond, just to make them to taste their own medicine.


I remember saying this to a friend of mine where she used to be hurt by others. I remember I got angry because she won’t do anything to stand up to those people,

“Tak kira sesiapa pun yang cakap kau tak boleh buat, Mie, don’t let them said that to you upfront. Jangan bagi sesiapa pun pandang rendah kau. Sebab orang lain tak ada hak judge kau melainkan diri kau sendiri”


Maybe I’m not the correct person to say that to her, when most of the times even I never stand up for what is right for me now. I guess I'm quite "old-skul" when it comes to the need to be competitive. So forgive me for not being able to understand those who are in constant need to compare with others’ performance. Forgive me for not being able to increase my intelligence level up to their expectation. Sorry for not being able to force my brain to work until it overheats. I’m sorry as I could not understand the expression of contentment over others’ failure or bear to watch others spiraling down, gasping for someone to aid them.

Truth be told, I may not survive in this competitive world anymore. I barely survived here. How am I going to survive in the outside world?

Then again, maybe I was wrong for saying that. But who cares, right?…

I wish I could tell to certain someone exactly how I feel.

Why can't I just tell them that I'm angry, or sad, or disappointed with their action.

Why can't I just tell them up front,

"Who gives you the right to say you are better than anyone else? You are not that good anyway."

"Sampai hati kau boleh fikir aku begitu bodoh, tak boleh fikir on my own that you would cowardly compare and blame me to be the reason for your loss. You are as shallow as you are outside"

"Sampai hati kau boleh let others thinks I have bully you when all I did was trying to be the best friend I know how"

Sampai hati.

Sampai hati..

Sampai hati...