I saw him yesterday...
I saw him,
with another woman,
passing me,
pretending not to see..
Fcuk!!
(Pardon my French)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Different people
When I first joined this study, most of my batch consisted of my juniors. I, was the senior of one semester to them. But, being the ignorant as I am, I didn't really get to know them before this. How they were before when they were in their degree year and who they were, really. So, my first impression was based on the circumstances that we are now, being in everyday all white and black apparel, business-like (some may be too CEO-ed), instilled within each of them to be a great lawyers someday.
In a way, I was quite lucky to have been spared from having to go through introduction of every one of them; what they were like, their cliques and to the extent of their family background.
Some of which I was not really interested with all the irrelevant details.
Which is why I couldn't be bothered with some rumours that there were people who have been talking behind my back. Of course, it bound to happen especially the stresses and pressures with the office work start to kicks in.
To me, it wasn't really a place for me to take it personally or confronted whether it is true or not. Instead, it is better to take it in a positive light rather than to be bitter about it. After all,the profession that I choose would largely depends on the networks that I have now that I can't really afford to be pretentious to those making such childish statement and possibly untrue.
Anyway, as I was saying, since most of them were strangers to me before, I get to know them from what I have observed for the past one and half semesters.
Some, still managed to goof around and never failed to spend their time doing some loafing and “contribution” to the economy of the country despite of the escalating workload at school.
Some, not only looked to impress, they were almost a ready-made lawyer waiting to become the real one. I wondered on the back of my mind were they as ambitious when they were in their degrees as they are now?
I imagined some of them to be nerdy, and looked attentive at class without blinking,and their eyes filled with interest over the subject while the rest of the class were like sleeping at the back, gossiping with each other, or flirting around by texting message with your own classmate or some, who did not bother to come to class at all.
There were some people who would make fun over those overtly ambitious people in the group over some typical presentation in the class. While those people were never failed to look for a case law, constantly updated their revisions after class and study till the eleventh hour, there would be a large sum of people (including yours truly) who would turn the table around and press the panic button only at the last minutes to study, just for the sake of examination.
Now, it is not the same anymore. We may have come to the end of the path now that everyone seemed to understand the important to do the best for our own future. No more sick jokes over some nerdy people at school who read cases, or those rehearsed before the presentation just to sound articulate for which they have never bothered to do that before this. And instead of making fun of those “skema-rama” in the class, they suddenly become someone that others would look up to. Really. Well, no one wants to look dumb or “disgusting” when you stuttered in front of the lecturer over a simple question, do you?
Okey, well at least for me. Then again, this would not apply to all. Some would still claim that they could enjoy till their ass is literally off and still managed to excel. They apparently have the brain of Einstein, while I, have the brain of some rotten machine that needs to be lubricated everyday.
But I do not not envy them. Not at all. Because I know once you entered into working environment, it won't be as easy breezy as a walk in the park. I just hope that I have better luck with doing something I like when I work. And something new for my eyes since I'm getting bored of seeing the same old candy. They've turned sour already. He he :p
PS: Wait. I hope I don't sound paedophile when I say that. Ar ar ar
In a way, I was quite lucky to have been spared from having to go through introduction of every one of them; what they were like, their cliques and to the extent of their family background.
Some of which I was not really interested with all the irrelevant details.
Which is why I couldn't be bothered with some rumours that there were people who have been talking behind my back. Of course, it bound to happen especially the stresses and pressures with the office work start to kicks in.
To me, it wasn't really a place for me to take it personally or confronted whether it is true or not. Instead, it is better to take it in a positive light rather than to be bitter about it. After all,the profession that I choose would largely depends on the networks that I have now that I can't really afford to be pretentious to those making such childish statement and possibly untrue.
Anyway, as I was saying, since most of them were strangers to me before, I get to know them from what I have observed for the past one and half semesters.
Some, still managed to goof around and never failed to spend their time doing some loafing and “contribution” to the economy of the country despite of the escalating workload at school.
Some, not only looked to impress, they were almost a ready-made lawyer waiting to become the real one. I wondered on the back of my mind were they as ambitious when they were in their degrees as they are now?
I imagined some of them to be nerdy, and looked attentive at class without blinking,and their eyes filled with interest over the subject while the rest of the class were like sleeping at the back, gossiping with each other, or flirting around by texting message with your own classmate or some, who did not bother to come to class at all.
There were some people who would make fun over those overtly ambitious people in the group over some typical presentation in the class. While those people were never failed to look for a case law, constantly updated their revisions after class and study till the eleventh hour, there would be a large sum of people (including yours truly) who would turn the table around and press the panic button only at the last minutes to study, just for the sake of examination.
Now, it is not the same anymore. We may have come to the end of the path now that everyone seemed to understand the important to do the best for our own future. No more sick jokes over some nerdy people at school who read cases, or those rehearsed before the presentation just to sound articulate for which they have never bothered to do that before this. And instead of making fun of those “skema-rama” in the class, they suddenly become someone that others would look up to. Really. Well, no one wants to look dumb or “disgusting” when you stuttered in front of the lecturer over a simple question, do you?
Okey, well at least for me. Then again, this would not apply to all. Some would still claim that they could enjoy till their ass is literally off and still managed to excel. They apparently have the brain of Einstein, while I, have the brain of some rotten machine that needs to be lubricated everyday.
But I do not not envy them. Not at all. Because I know once you entered into working environment, it won't be as easy breezy as a walk in the park. I just hope that I have better luck with doing something I like when I work. And something new for my eyes since I'm getting bored of seeing the same old candy. They've turned sour already. He he :p
PS: Wait. I hope I don't sound paedophile when I say that. Ar ar ar
Friday, February 13, 2009
Obsessive is in, think about it -- Anonymous (1982-...)
I am very meticulous in certain things, I must say. When something I regard as important, be it small or serious things, I became obsessed of making it perfect to my eyes. It does not matter that my workstation or my bedroom is messier than the garbage collection centre, but if something I cared or the things which suddenly caught my eyes with its anomalies, I could not get the thought out from me.
I know it sounds silly, but I do have the obsessive compulsion to be perfect at certain things. Thank God I was not as obsessed with myself (as someone had thought) or else, I would be changing my clothes ten times instead of 3 or 4 times a day (that also depends on the occasion), or staring at myself over a mirror until the mirror breaks, or jog everyday like crazy to keep my body solid or went to every beautification centre to preserve the youthfulness.
But, sometimes I do get carried away with my obsessiveness over certain things which I myself get tired for thinking such absurd and ridiculous things over and over again in my head.
For example, recently a colleague of mine decided to create this really funky hair-do of cutting her hair “senget”. Her left parted hair is shorter than the other, and when I say shorter than the other, I did not mean it shorter by 1 or 2 inch. It was way, way shorter that the first time I saw it I felt it was going to be my worst nightmare yet.
I could not sleep well at night, thinking how I could do or could have done to correct it; as to make the hair even again. I became obsessed by having to stare at her hair quietly and began constructed an evil plan as to how I'm going to cut it without her noticing.
I couldn't help it. It happened without my consent and every time I began to have such ridiculous idea, I pushed it away that stupid thoughts.
Or when I saw a stranger wore a work shirts with his collar not in place, I was like wanted to adjust the collar myself or holler to that person, “Encik, kolar awak kelepetlah” without any shame. Until now, I have difficulties to adapt to the idea of 'kelepet' collar of a shirt to be something in-trends. I just don't get it.
Seriously.. (Bak kata Kahuna--adakah aku kesah kerana tidak mengikut perkembangan fesyen semasa?)
Thankfully, no one noticed this sort-of “traits” that I have. This is because, it did not happen as often as one might think. Plus, I was rather discreet in my act as I do not want others to think that they were actually befriended with “orang gila” all these times. Rest assured that I am normal, and with me, I am all open and honest with my flaws.
Nonetheless, I noticed that some of my colleagues already noticed my odd behaviour since we see each other 80% a day that one is no longer bothered (or at least some of us) to pretend a loud burping, or laughing loudly or casually saying things like “awak ni busuklah”, or self-praise with each other like, "aku rasa mamat tu suka aku pasal akulah yang paling comel” etc, etc.
Sometimes, when we were instructed to do an assignment, suddenly I became too pre-occupied in my ambition with wanting to make a stupid letter or any form of court documents of the assignments to have the perfect alignment and formats that I wanted.
Or when the documents being submitted without having me approved the formatting, that when I see the outcome I was like having a heart attack upon seeing the typo errors or the absence of comas or full stop or the alignment was not the same as the frontpage of the document that I began transferring my wrath to the rest of my poor firm mates to painfully endure my nagging as if I was having debate competition that I need to win at all costs.
I know that I have caused annoyance amongst them with my incessant nagging, and it would be difficult things for me to change it, but if I were to change, I would rather be with someone who can accept me just the way I am. I hope my firmates could bear with me for the remaining months left. I still love you guys, especially pakcik comel, as he has to listen to my nagging, much to his fatherly disapproval look by geleng, geleng, haha.
I know it sounds silly, but I do have the obsessive compulsion to be perfect at certain things. Thank God I was not as obsessed with myself (as someone had thought) or else, I would be changing my clothes ten times instead of 3 or 4 times a day (that also depends on the occasion), or staring at myself over a mirror until the mirror breaks, or jog everyday like crazy to keep my body solid or went to every beautification centre to preserve the youthfulness.
But, sometimes I do get carried away with my obsessiveness over certain things which I myself get tired for thinking such absurd and ridiculous things over and over again in my head.
For example, recently a colleague of mine decided to create this really funky hair-do of cutting her hair “senget”. Her left parted hair is shorter than the other, and when I say shorter than the other, I did not mean it shorter by 1 or 2 inch. It was way, way shorter that the first time I saw it I felt it was going to be my worst nightmare yet.
I could not sleep well at night, thinking how I could do or could have done to correct it; as to make the hair even again. I became obsessed by having to stare at her hair quietly and began constructed an evil plan as to how I'm going to cut it without her noticing.
I couldn't help it. It happened without my consent and every time I began to have such ridiculous idea, I pushed it away that stupid thoughts.
Or when I saw a stranger wore a work shirts with his collar not in place, I was like wanted to adjust the collar myself or holler to that person, “Encik, kolar awak kelepetlah” without any shame. Until now, I have difficulties to adapt to the idea of 'kelepet' collar of a shirt to be something in-trends. I just don't get it.
Seriously.. (Bak kata Kahuna--adakah aku kesah kerana tidak mengikut perkembangan fesyen semasa?)
Thankfully, no one noticed this sort-of “traits” that I have. This is because, it did not happen as often as one might think. Plus, I was rather discreet in my act as I do not want others to think that they were actually befriended with “orang gila” all these times. Rest assured that I am normal, and with me, I am all open and honest with my flaws.
Nonetheless, I noticed that some of my colleagues already noticed my odd behaviour since we see each other 80% a day that one is no longer bothered (or at least some of us) to pretend a loud burping, or laughing loudly or casually saying things like “awak ni busuklah”, or self-praise with each other like, "aku rasa mamat tu suka aku pasal akulah yang paling comel” etc, etc.
Sometimes, when we were instructed to do an assignment, suddenly I became too pre-occupied in my ambition with wanting to make a stupid letter or any form of court documents of the assignments to have the perfect alignment and formats that I wanted.
Or when the documents being submitted without having me approved the formatting, that when I see the outcome I was like having a heart attack upon seeing the typo errors or the absence of comas or full stop or the alignment was not the same as the frontpage of the document that I began transferring my wrath to the rest of my poor firm mates to painfully endure my nagging as if I was having debate competition that I need to win at all costs.
I know that I have caused annoyance amongst them with my incessant nagging, and it would be difficult things for me to change it, but if I were to change, I would rather be with someone who can accept me just the way I am. I hope my firmates could bear with me for the remaining months left. I still love you guys, especially pakcik comel, as he has to listen to my nagging, much to his fatherly disapproval look by geleng, geleng, haha.
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