Strictly for cat's lover only

I can't believe my cat died. He was my mum's favourite. We bought him from SPCA some three years ago after falling in love with his two-coloured eyes, one yellow and the other one blue. He has never been outside his own cage, for his live surrounded within the reasonable-sized cage since he was being picked up by someone at the market when he was kitten. At first, he was having difficulties to adapt with his newly-found freedom.

Nonetheless, he was adapting quite fast and quickly he became an instant hit amongst us, especially my mum. He has been there for her during her difficult times when she was separated for awhile with my dad. My dad, having to be away due to his work, leaving her alone in the house as all her children were also away most of the times.

My mum, of course, loved the infatuation. He would anxiously waited for her to come home and followed her everywhere, even to the toilet! At night she would tuck him to sleep next to her and she sometimes refused to be away from him even for one day.

One day, my dad was diagnosed with asthma. This happened after he returned back from having his monthly check-up for his diabetic level. During his first two months after being diagnosed with asthma, he was miserable. He would cough and sneeze almost all the times, and hard, that during my weekend trip to the house, I was worried his nose would come off from his face.

Naturally, my cat was no longer allowed to have a sleepover with my mum. She was having difficulty to adapt with the changes that my dad had no choice but to surrender by sleeping at the living room, just to let the cat sleeps with her.

I was having difficulties leaving them outside, as I know there were few stray dogs hanging out, loitering, causing havoc all over our little town. I remember there was one time where I went outside to lock the door after returned from home in the middle of the night when I saw a bunch of low-life stray dogs, about 4, 5 of them, howling and barking. There were having another fight, a useless one with each other as any other day.

Suddenly I noticed that they were actually surrounding this one poor cat, all alone, having to fight all by himself, against double, even triple his size. That cat was white in colour and instantly I thought it was my cat, that particular cat. My instinct was to rush there and to save him. As I unlocked back the keys, (and having difficulties doing that) I saw this one dog tried to drag the cat off. I could see that the cat, terrified but tried to defend himself in spite that he was losing.

My friend said I was mad for having to do what I did. I could get bitten by those dogs who were obviously in vicious state. But I have thought of nothing else but to save him, to protect him. After all, he has always been the coward cat, for seeing the mouse he would jump off his feet, running away like girls.

And as I reached there, the dogs were already dragged him off and fled the scene. I was shaking like a leaf and thinking of the worse; that I failed to save my mum’s fav cat.

Thankfully, that night, my cat’s life was spared. As I shivered, trying to hold my cry, he came out from my neighbour’s house, quite clueless as to what had happened and swept off my feet with his body. Though I pitied the cat that was dragged, but I felt relief that it was not one of my cats.

I then brought all of my cats (5 of 'em) inside the house, much to my dad’s dismay. I felt thankful enough that night, but I knew somehow, I can’t keep on protecting them forever. I frightfully waited for that time to come.

And somehow, it happened.

It happened last two days, on the Christmas Eve. My younger brother said that he heard commotion amongst the stray dogs around 3-4.30 a.m. I was out that night, and came home around that time but I didn't see or hear anything when I reached home, not even the one dog or its howling. And even as I reached home, I didn't go to sleep just yet, but I really didn’t hear anything.

Can you imagine that he was outside, struggling for his life, when I was inside, comfortably watching TV, not doing anything.

I know it was not my fault, for not having to realise that. But I can’t help it. I thought I could protect them, as I have done that before this, but I failed.

That morning my mum came rushing to my room. She was in tears and said that our beloved cat has died. I went downstairs, ran as fast as I could and saw he was already wrapped up in a newspaper, about to be buried by my dad's friend. I saw his shocked-state face, his face looked terrified still, evident enough without having to imagine what he has to endure that night, defending helplessly alone.

As I saw his body were all covered with teeth bite-marks, I felt on my knees, blaming myself, and tried not to cry as hard as I knew it would be more difficult for my mum to cope.

My mum definitely devastated the most. She loved him just as much as he loved her, none in comparison. Even my neighbour loved him. He was out jogging that morning when he saw the cat was lying in the middle of the road, lifeless. He brought back to our home, for fearing that the cat would be run over by car and informed us where he saw the cat.

Now, after several days, it was still hard to accept. Especially on my mum. I myself having trouble from having to avoid staring at the spot where he used to sleep and how I would interrupt his sleep by tickling him, kissing him as he liked that. My mum, until now, thought he was still here, accompany her in her sleep. She would wake up in the middle of the night, thinking that the comforter was him, sleeping near her feet as usual.

This post is my tribute in remembering him. Daniel.

Money, money, money

Yesterday, I watched this new released movie, “IP Man” recently with few friends. I have to admit it was not my kind of movies. But, surprisingly it was to my liking as I was quite impressed with the movie.

The chronological as well as the history of China and its people, in my opinion are rather off the trail, I gotta say. But, anyway, I’m not gonna comment about the authenticity of the history in the movie. After all, it’s a story, not a documentary movie. I was rather intrigued with the lifestyle of the people in the past, especially during the pre-Japanese invasion in 1940 something in China in the movie.

It showed here, quite evidently, the status of the person was very much depended on his Kung-fu skills. It’s amazing how people looked highly upon their Kung-fu Master. They gained respect due to their strengths, agilities and capabilities in their Kung-fus. And people loved them because of his personality and the charismatic leaderships to lead his people. Sure, some of them self-proclaimed to be one of the best of Kung-fu Masters, do abuse their power and resort themselves into violence and suppressing those who are weaker than them for their own purposes, but there is one well-respected Master, the IP man, so they called, was truly a person who was potrayed as someone with true sense of leadership in his own class.

It reminded me of one of my favourite movie, “The Last Samurai” (I know, I know people hated Tom Cruise in this movie). It showed that they would die in honouring their dignity as well as their people. They showed no fear whatsoever with the fact that they were about to go into the battle with only a handful of them, and to confront their enemy almost in triple-sized batallions with one of the most advanced ammo(s) and military equipments at the time, much in pale comparison with what the samurai had as a defence.

The IP man gave the the same sense of such harsh reality as the Samurai as potrayed in the “The Last Samurai”. The movie further displayed, as the Japanese guy drawn an open fire upon the Kung-fu Master despite that he (the latter) has won the fight against the General, it proved to show that the bare hands were no match to such powerful weapon. He succumbed to the near defeat but the ego struck within him that he would rather die than having to surrender to the enemy.

That’s what we would call men’s ego. And it’s so ironic to see that such ego seemed perfect, as his action were almost dignified with everything he believed in, and it was approved by the rest of his people.

Nowadays, men are pure egoist; the ego to be the best and powerful but it only circled around themselves. I’m not saying that to have an ego is a bad thing, as each person, regardless whether you are a man or woman, we do, shamefully have to admit to the fact that we have our own filthy egos. But can we truly believe that our ego could gain the same respect as them in the past?

As I walked out from the cinema, I can’t help it but to wonder what our society has become. The fact that the men were looked upon based on how much money that they have in their bank, what car they drove, what brand they choose to flaunt their appearances; the shirts, the pants, the watch, the wallet; or which shop they go to cut hair or do facial or which place they hang out to see and be seen.

They were also based on the powerful-circled friends; how many and how powerful they are. And their girls were obviously amongst the well-off family and they ought to have the specified looks as well as the right body just to secure themselves within the powerful circle.

It doesn’t matter now whether the man has a brain to work with. Apparently it doesn’t matter anymore. What I’m trying to say is, that’s how the people nowadays perceived another and we could even put a price to it in order to reach a certain status symbol. People in the past, (as displayed in the movie) has elevated their status based on their kung-fu skills and worked their way up to gain such respect and eventually became one of the respected man in the village. Nowadays, people could gain one by simply buying it off.

Note:
I think I’m gonna agree with my dear friend of mine. She used to say that you could even buy friends when you have the money. Well, what do you know..

Terima Kasih!!

Terima kasih yang tak terhingga kepada ibu saya yang telah melahirkan saya dan bapa saya yang telah bersusah payah membesarkan saya sehingga segempal ini. Terima kasih saya juga ditujukan kepada adik-beradik saya yang walaupun tidak mempunyai apa-apa sumbangan dalam kejayaan saya yang lulus di dalam peperiksaan saya yang lepas ini, tetapi ingatan masih kepada mereka kerana kemungkinan saya telah mengambil sebahagian besar gen pandai keluarga kami.

Penghargaan juga diberikan kepada rakan-rakan seperjuangan LLB 1 dan 2. Terima kasih diatas ilmu-ilmu yang mencurah-curah sehingga adakalanya terlalu tekun sehingga menimbulkan ke "konfiusan" untuk soalan-soalan mudah seperti apa itu "arrest" boleh meleret-leret sehingga ke apa makanan yang patut diberi kepada tahanan-tahanan reman yang tidak lagi relevan lagi meng "konfiusing" kan saya. Namun, dengan adanya debat-debat khas begini telah membuka mata saya yang senantiasa mengantuk ini tentang subjek-subjek yang mencabar tahap kebosanan dan minda.

Juga tidak lupa kepada para pensyarah yang tidak jemu-jemu memberi ilmu yang sepatutnya dan sabar menghadapi kerenah pelajar-pelajar yang sering menghabiskan wang PTPTN dan tenaga untuk selalu ber "hu ha" dan malas/mengantuk di dalam kelas tetapi masih sabar dan tekun mengajar sehingga saat akhir. Terima kasih daun keladi, esok kita jumpa lagi. Eh, salah la pulak

Terima kasih diatas tepukan berdiri (standing ovation) anda semua, semua ini mengharukan. Sob, sob (Menangis terharu sekejap). Maaf, saya tak pandai berbahasa Inggeris, saya bersuara bodoh bila bercakap dalam bahasa Inggeris.

How to lose a friend

Be careful when you upload your picture on the Internet.

It happened to me recently when I found out that someone has been accessing my FB’s picture. He took almost all my profile pictures and sandwiched it in between the pictures into one frame as his wallpaper or some sort. I was literally in horror when I first look at the picture which has the picture of me all over it.

And that person happens to be a dear friend of mine.

I didn’t know that a person can simply grab your picture without your knowledge. I guess he saved it straight from the picture itself to his and I have absolutely no idea that it could be done that way.

The first time I found out I was so upset and angry with what he had done. It would be fine if I knew or he has the pictures within my knowledge. But the thing that I'm angry the most is not because he took it without me knowing, but it happened to be the person whom I entrusted as a friend; someone I allowed to enter into my life, share my dirty little secrets, when in fact, in the end he has been using all that for his own benefits and advantages.

I know I may sound easy to talk about my problems freely to someone close to me. I guess that it’s my way of releasing myself from the pain or tension. But with him, I let out the true me and trusted him by exposing my flaws and my problems with honest intention as a friend should be.

And, to realize that all these times he actually never intended to be one and has been secretly into me (I have trouble saying THE word out loud), I felt betrayed in every sense that I could never look into his eyes the same ever again.

I didn’t know what he did or planning to do with all those pictures. To me, to a certain extent, it’s true, that having a secret admirer is fun and ‘geli-tapi-suka’ feeling (I know, stupid), but having an admirer who's turned out to be the so-called friend, secretly has been keeping your picture when all the while pretended to be my friend is NOT, in fact it’s creepy. There’s a reason why a person can be a friend only, and not special. Maybe in some ways he understood the rejection that he would get that he resort to something as nasty as that.

The day I came to know about it, I didn’t confront him about my discovery. I chickened out from having him to know the fact that it hurts me more than anything else. Eventually for some reasons, he knew that it would be too late for him to tell me how he feels but nonetheless took his chance. But before he went far, I made it clear that it would never happen between us. I gave no reasons nor the opportunity for him to say otherwise. I know I sound harsh, but what choice do I have?

The same day he returned back my sweater which I thought was gone missing when we had lunch at the restaurant few months back. I asked him where he got it but he only replied with his ‘wicked’ smile. I was so shocked but I couldn’t do anything to express my anger or the bravery to confront him that in the end I pretended that ‘it’s no big deal’, that he happened to recover it back by coincidence.

Deep inside, I was outraged by his behaviour. I can’t help but having this strong feeling that the particular sweater has been in his possession all these while. And only God knows what happen to my poor sweater. It’s unfortunate that I have problem wearing it now. It feels weird.

When it comes to think about it, when I gathered all the things that have happened between us, it fits perfectly. His weird behaviour, like his constant jealousy towards my other guy friend, having the need to be alone with me and his peculiar choice of words to me all these times proved to show that he has some feelings for me.

But I know it’s not going to be easy for me to completely get rid of him. But one thing for sure, the trust has been broken and I could never allow it to be amended no matter what.

Consequently, I deleted him from my FB’s friend’s lists.

Sengal

I just arrived at my kampung to celebrate AidilAdha when I got a message from a friend of mine. He wanted to ask me about something that is personal. Being a good friend, I was concerned so I persuaded him to let it off his chest and tell me.

He asked me about girl-thing. Which was weird, because he never opened up to anything resemblance to making him look less cool or gay-ish. But he did that night and I was more than happy to help him out. Or more like happy to busybody.

He hesitantly began asking me.

“Saree, nak tanya ni. If perempuan merajuk, contohnya lah kau merajuk dengan aku, macam mana kau expect aku nak pujuk?”

Aiyaya. Standard guy-girl problem. Well, I guess with this kind of problem it won’t take long.

“Oh, depends lah macam mana relationship korang tu. Kau suka dia ke, or tak ke? Sebab if kau anggap dia kawan je then tak payah lah layankan sangat”, I said that with confident.

I said that confidently because he has been telling me about this girl before this, that he has somewhat complicated relationship with her. He told me that he regarded her as friend but then the girl has been seeking his attention and would be all over him, sort of like hopeful to him but there would be times where she would disappear from him whenever she feels like it. Sort of like me, according to him, but I won’t comment more unless I know more about what is going on.

“Sebab itu lah aku tanya pendapat kau. Dia ni complicated sikit, if dia na layan, dia layan. If time dia tak nak layan, mampus aku terkontang-kanting kat sini. Sebab tu aku tak sure nak pujuk macam mana”.

Pulak. Lain aku tanye, lain pulak budak ni cakap.

I was starting to fell slightly annoyed by his answer. No wonder she got pissed off by him. But, then again, in the spirit of being a good friend, I confronted again the same question to him. Patiently. Because if he wanted to treat her as his friend, then there is no need to feed her sulking.

He then replied, and still not answering to my question. Instead, he went on about her not responding to his message.

At that point I was literally annoyed. I remember being all sarcastics to him.

“Well, if dia macam aku, then aku pun tak suka if aku cakap orang tak faham2. Pastu tanya2 cam orang sengal. Aku pun akan terasa annoyed”.

Amek ko.

“Sorry. It’s just that kitaorang selalu contact lately, so bila dia tak reply aku faham lah something’s wrong. Bila aku reply tanye dia buat bodoh je. Aku nak tahu apa aku patut buat?” '
Still not answering my question. But at least it’s going somewhere!

“So, kiranya kau selalu in contact dengan dia lah?”

“Yup. Nowadays dia start close ngan aku balik macam dulu. Aku message, call die selalu. And agak selalu lah jugak aku hang out ngan dia. Then aritu tengah mesej2 dia, aku tengah busy and then aku terblur dengan soalan dia that tetibe dia macam emo. And sekarang dia senyap je, aku mesej pun dia tak reply langsung, terus senyap. Macam tak best.”

“Means kau suka dia lah, sengal”. “tak best macam dulu", konon. Cit

“Eh, bukanlah. Aku anggap dia macam kawan je, Cuma, dia tu suka bla, bla bla...” At that point it didn’t matter, and I can’t bear to hear any those denial part. Skip and scan.

“So, then kau try lah pujuk dia betul2. Call lah dia, tapi jangan lah dia tak angkat kau kena call sampai 20-30 kali. Pujuk lah cara betul, as you mean it”. At this point I was very sleepy to continue on. It was past midnight and I was really tired from the 4 hours of driving that my mind can't process any creative thoughts anymore.

“Tapi,...”. Oh No.. Again, he doubted that could change her mind. Again, it got stuck to where it started. Sometimes, some problems between couple are not something I’m excelled at, or rather, not interested. I myself failed when it comes to maintaining a relationship.

I know at that point I would never be able to convince him to do otherwise. Desperate to get my beauty sleep, I then replied back to him, and it was almost 4 pages long messages, suggesting that it was the best thing he should do, since it was obvious he liked this girl despite her unstable mood. I was giving all my best yet advice to him and that he ought to follow it or else he could lose her. What a drama. Oh well, you know what they say. “Fake it till you make it”. Till he stop bugging me that is.

He understood what it means and agreed to let me go that night.

He texted me that morning. Figured it was a “thank-you/good morning/Selamat Hari Raya Haji(at least!)” message. Instead, it went something like this,

“So, kau rasa aku patut tak pujuk dia arini?”



I have thought of becoming a murderer that day.

stress

Ark!!

I still haven't found someone to fill my place at my rent home. Obviously the decision to change room from my present room (which is the main bedroom to the middle room) has been my latest stupid decision eva.

I honestly thought it would be an easy things to do. Because the home that I'm renting right now is a popular choice amongst the student of my Uni since it was only nearby. So I was thinking to myself, "it can't be that hard, right?". WRONG.

Now it is due and I have to pay in advance for the middle room since it has yet being occupied which means I have to pay for two stupid rooms which I don't even leave at this moment (because now it's a semester break)

This thing has caused so much stress for me. I'm soo stressed right now I can't even sleep. And what's more, as I'm depressing here in front of this computer, I saw at the corner of my eyes the last thing I need. It's a cat poo produced by my stupid and ignorant cat and it's all over the places right now. I think he has some sort of stomach ache, having to produced such an amount of taik there which it's fine if it's just an ordinary poo, hard and with shape.

But it was totally the opposite which I have no choice but to do the clean-up after this. A long one to clean-up the mess.

Thank you bb for making my life more miserable.

Ark!! I 'm soo stress!