I'd like you to think about others, if you can

Hmmmm…

I’m just so happy and content that I went home this week. That being said, it would mean that I could escape from all the madness at school.

With all the recent backstabbing, foul mouth or getting myself involved over a stupid fight which I don’t even when it started are the things that have de-motivated me almost to the lowest point.

But being me, I won’t be bothered to confront with all the madness. However, I have to admit that it did hurt me, one way or another. It’s still hurt; aching inside.

And for that, though I managed to spend a rather short amount of time at my own bed, at my own house, but it's enough for me; enough to at least divert my thoughts away from having to succumb with those craziness.

Maybe it was me, or the ever to-be-blamed, the PMS that lately I have been feeling easily irritated, annoyed with certain someone. I believe the feeling is mutual, however I couldn’t care less. Or give a crap.

I have to admit here that I have little tolerance for those who think they are better than anyone else. Or being in constant competitive nature that at times I felt like I have been living in these seemingly artificial or pretentious world instead of the reality.

Unfortunately, my frustration has been extended to those who are close and has always been there for me all these times as well. I guess that I stupidly consumed my time with the thoughts of those who lives in their stupid bubble that I cowardly blame others who has no "locus standi" to be involved in as well.

I guess it has also got to do with the recent demanding works. As the works started to pile up, so do the pressures and the stresses. (And don’t forget the PMS-factor)

Gosh, I hate everytime I’ve been feeling like this.

I hate the feeling like slapping their face so hard that it leaves scar for life for their vanity into thinking that they are mightier and better than others.

I hate for imagining that they would fall flat on the floor as they run to escape from the heavy rain, so that they would be covered in the dirt and muddy pond, just to make them to taste their own medicine.


I remember saying this to a friend of mine where she used to be hurt by others. I remember I got angry because she won’t do anything to stand up to those people,

“Tak kira sesiapa pun yang cakap kau tak boleh buat, Mie, don’t let them said that to you upfront. Jangan bagi sesiapa pun pandang rendah kau. Sebab orang lain tak ada hak judge kau melainkan diri kau sendiri”


Maybe I’m not the correct person to say that to her, when most of the times even I never stand up for what is right for me now. I guess I'm quite "old-skul" when it comes to the need to be competitive. So forgive me for not being able to understand those who are in constant need to compare with others’ performance. Forgive me for not being able to increase my intelligence level up to their expectation. Sorry for not being able to force my brain to work until it overheats. I’m sorry as I could not understand the expression of contentment over others’ failure or bear to watch others spiraling down, gasping for someone to aid them.

Truth be told, I may not survive in this competitive world anymore. I barely survived here. How am I going to survive in the outside world?

Then again, maybe I was wrong for saying that. But who cares, right?…