How to lose a friend

Be careful when you upload your picture on the Internet.

It happened to me recently when I found out that someone has been accessing my FB’s picture. He took almost all my profile pictures and sandwiched it in between the pictures into one frame as his wallpaper or some sort. I was literally in horror when I first look at the picture which has the picture of me all over it.

And that person happens to be a dear friend of mine.

I didn’t know that a person can simply grab your picture without your knowledge. I guess he saved it straight from the picture itself to his and I have absolutely no idea that it could be done that way.

The first time I found out I was so upset and angry with what he had done. It would be fine if I knew or he has the pictures within my knowledge. But the thing that I'm angry the most is not because he took it without me knowing, but it happened to be the person whom I entrusted as a friend; someone I allowed to enter into my life, share my dirty little secrets, when in fact, in the end he has been using all that for his own benefits and advantages.

I know I may sound easy to talk about my problems freely to someone close to me. I guess that it’s my way of releasing myself from the pain or tension. But with him, I let out the true me and trusted him by exposing my flaws and my problems with honest intention as a friend should be.

And, to realize that all these times he actually never intended to be one and has been secretly into me (I have trouble saying THE word out loud), I felt betrayed in every sense that I could never look into his eyes the same ever again.

I didn’t know what he did or planning to do with all those pictures. To me, to a certain extent, it’s true, that having a secret admirer is fun and ‘geli-tapi-suka’ feeling (I know, stupid), but having an admirer who's turned out to be the so-called friend, secretly has been keeping your picture when all the while pretended to be my friend is NOT, in fact it’s creepy. There’s a reason why a person can be a friend only, and not special. Maybe in some ways he understood the rejection that he would get that he resort to something as nasty as that.

The day I came to know about it, I didn’t confront him about my discovery. I chickened out from having him to know the fact that it hurts me more than anything else. Eventually for some reasons, he knew that it would be too late for him to tell me how he feels but nonetheless took his chance. But before he went far, I made it clear that it would never happen between us. I gave no reasons nor the opportunity for him to say otherwise. I know I sound harsh, but what choice do I have?

The same day he returned back my sweater which I thought was gone missing when we had lunch at the restaurant few months back. I asked him where he got it but he only replied with his ‘wicked’ smile. I was so shocked but I couldn’t do anything to express my anger or the bravery to confront him that in the end I pretended that ‘it’s no big deal’, that he happened to recover it back by coincidence.

Deep inside, I was outraged by his behaviour. I can’t help but having this strong feeling that the particular sweater has been in his possession all these while. And only God knows what happen to my poor sweater. It’s unfortunate that I have problem wearing it now. It feels weird.

When it comes to think about it, when I gathered all the things that have happened between us, it fits perfectly. His weird behaviour, like his constant jealousy towards my other guy friend, having the need to be alone with me and his peculiar choice of words to me all these times proved to show that he has some feelings for me.

But I know it’s not going to be easy for me to completely get rid of him. But one thing for sure, the trust has been broken and I could never allow it to be amended no matter what.

Consequently, I deleted him from my FB’s friend’s lists.