Obsessive is in, think about it -- Anonymous (1982-...)

I am very meticulous in certain things, I must say. When something I regard as important, be it small or serious things, I became obsessed of making it perfect to my eyes. It does not matter that my workstation or my bedroom is messier than the garbage collection centre, but if something I cared or the things which suddenly caught my eyes with its anomalies, I could not get the thought out from me.

I know it sounds silly, but I do have the obsessive compulsion to be perfect at certain things. Thank God I was not as obsessed with myself (as someone had thought) or else, I would be changing my clothes ten times instead of 3 or 4 times a day (that also depends on the occasion), or staring at myself over a mirror until the mirror breaks, or jog everyday like crazy to keep my body solid or went to every beautification centre to preserve the youthfulness.

But, sometimes I do get carried away with my obsessiveness over certain things which I myself get tired for thinking such absurd and ridiculous things over and over again in my head.

For example, recently a colleague of mine decided to create this really funky hair-do of cutting her hair “senget”. Her left parted hair is shorter than the other, and when I say shorter than the other, I did not mean it shorter by 1 or 2 inch. It was way, way shorter that the first time I saw it I felt it was going to be my worst nightmare yet.

I could not sleep well at night, thinking how I could do or could have done to correct it; as to make the hair even again. I became obsessed by having to stare at her hair quietly and began constructed an evil plan as to how I'm going to cut it without her noticing.

I couldn't help it. It happened without my consent and every time I began to have such ridiculous idea, I pushed it away that stupid thoughts.

Or when I saw a stranger wore a work shirts with his collar not in place, I was like wanted to adjust the collar myself or holler to that person, “Encik, kolar awak kelepetlah” without any shame. Until now, I have difficulties to adapt to the idea of 'kelepet' collar of a shirt to be something in-trends. I just don't get it.

Seriously.. (Bak kata Kahuna--adakah aku kesah kerana tidak mengikut perkembangan fesyen semasa?)

Thankfully, no one noticed this sort-of “traits” that I have. This is because, it did not happen as often as one might think. Plus, I was rather discreet in my act as I do not want others to think that they were actually befriended with “orang gila” all these times. Rest assured that I am normal, and with me, I am all open and honest with my flaws.

Nonetheless, I noticed that some of my colleagues already noticed my odd behaviour since we see each other 80% a day that one is no longer bothered (or at least some of us) to pretend a loud burping, or laughing loudly or casually saying things like “awak ni busuklah”, or self-praise with each other like, "aku rasa mamat tu suka aku pasal akulah yang paling comel” etc, etc.

Sometimes, when we were instructed to do an assignment, suddenly I became too pre-occupied in my ambition with wanting to make a stupid letter or any form of court documents of the assignments to have the perfect alignment and formats that I wanted.

Or when the documents being submitted without having me approved the formatting, that when I see the outcome I was like having a heart attack upon seeing the typo errors or the absence of comas or full stop or the alignment was not the same as the frontpage of the document that I began transferring my wrath to the rest of my poor firm mates to painfully endure my nagging as if I was having debate competition that I need to win at all costs.

I know that I have caused annoyance amongst them with my incessant nagging, and it would be difficult things for me to change it, but if I were to change, I would rather be with someone who can accept me just the way I am. I hope my firmates could bear with me for the remaining months left. I still love you guys, especially pakcik comel, as he has to listen to my nagging, much to his fatherly disapproval look by geleng, geleng, haha.